I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
