guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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