Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
