So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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