well I can't set my house on fire every night
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
