wrigley field is MILF paradise
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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