Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
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There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
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Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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