Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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