just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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