I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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