so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
May the power of my ass compel you!!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize