I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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