im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
