The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
