One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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