I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
