i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
