ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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