No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
