you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
oh god was she eating orange peels again
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
