I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
