Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
