you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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