Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
