so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
