I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
