I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
