Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line