so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
