are you so shy because you have an std?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
