laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
