Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
