Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize