You don't have asthma, your pregnant
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
i out mim tonsoeep
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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