whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
