You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
My liver just had a heart attack.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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