tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
