ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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