the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
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I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
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There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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