Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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