It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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