he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
