I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
