I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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