I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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