everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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