just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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