woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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