I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
