We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
