There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
