I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
