i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
