Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
