i permit you to call me
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Everyone says I win the strip club
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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