i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
