just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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