When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
you inspire me to be a worse person
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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