Already got asked if we're dating
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
