I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
