I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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