dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
