i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
